All views here are kindly written for TorontoToffees by Matt Gibbs.
Everton v Reading
14th January 2006
Reading made the trip up to the grand ol’ lady today, with thoughts of revenge following Everton’s 2-0 over them at the somewhat ludicrously named Madejski Stadium (of course, named after their chairman; an upper class Harry Redknapp and the smart-arse that came up with the idea of Auto Trader. Git).
Mother Noblett's Youngest
 First, however, we were all treated to the rather farcical ceremonial presentation of Sylvester “Rocky” Stallone to the GoodisonPark faithful. Dressed in an Everton overcoat and carrying a scarf, he trotted out onto the hallowed turf from the tunnel to applause, while “Rocky’s theme” blared out.
Waving his new scarf above his head and punching the air, he was saluted albeit more in amusement than in adulation, but then again, at least he had the bollocks to go out there and do it; I haven’t seen any other celebrity Everton fans about lately.
There must be a few more, surely?
Anyway, to the footy.
Everton had Tim Cahill back after two months off nursing a knee injury, knackered thanks to Lee Carsley, and he lined up in the tried and tested 4-5-1 formation supporting lone front-man Johnson, while Shandy-Andy and McFadden patrolled the wings. In the defence, it was business as usual with Joey and Lescott in the middle, with Neville and Nace as full-backs. Mikky was suspended after being naughty too many times, and so the creative spark was to be provided by Leon Osman. Presumably…
Everton actually started well, enjoying the best of the possession and play for the first quarter of an hour without actually doing anything constructive against a resolutely resistant Reading defence: 7 minutes in, Van der Meyde, after some good work on the right hand side, had a shot charged down; and three minutes later Cahill missed a sitter, scuffing his shot when facing Hahnemann alone in the Reading goal, after Johnson had mugged Sonko and cut it back.
Becoming increasingly disjointed and scrappy, the game degenerated into a comedy of errors, the highlight of which occurred when McFadden seemed to forget what sport he was playing, and lobbed a throw-in at the Reading goal, only to see it pass wide: it’s football, you Scotch get, and you’re not fucking Kobe Bryant.
Inevitably Everton’s domination lessened significantly, and Reading came storming into the contest.
The Royals opening goal was pretty fortunate and - quite frankly - bollocks from Everton’s point-of-view. They took the lead in the 27th minute, after Neville was adjudged to have brought down Doyle just outside the area. Stephen Hunt (rhyming slang, perhaps?) met Shorey's free-kick inside a crowded penalty box, and after Howard’s initial save, it ricocheted off a bemused Lescott and trickled into the net.
35 minutes in, Coppell's delight evaporated and was replaced with unease when top scorer Doyle was carried off with a suspected hamstring injury, after tussling with Lescott during a chase for possession. A bit unlucky for Doyle and Reading, but relief for Everton as he was becoming a bit of a pain in the arse, and he was replaced by Shane Long.
Reading then upped the stakes physically. In the 40th minute, Sonko picked up a yellow card for tripping Johnson, and goal-scorer Hunt followed his team-mate into the book for dragging back Van der Meyde near the half-way line. Worse was to follow, however, at the end of the first half when Sonko knocked down Johnson on the edge of the box, without even getting close to the ball; Riley, apparently reading from an all-too-available script, produced bugger all except a free kick just outside the box, which effectively meant that the great grock could spend as much time as he liked knocking seven shades of shit out of the significantly smaller Johnson. The free-kick, situated perfectly for a right-footed player, was taken by McFadden, who thought that the best option would be to spoon the ball into the opposition wall with his left foot.
With the start of the second half, McFadden was hauled off and replaced with Anichebe, and the change in Everton’s approach was clear from the outset. Within a minute Cahill, with strong drive from 20 yards, stung the hands of Hahnemann who could only palm the ball over the crossbar for a corner. Cahill then got himself booked for a rather needless sliding tackle on James Harper two minutes later.
Anichebe's presence up front caused a few problems, and in the 52nd minute only Sonko's goal-line clearance prevented the teenager from equalising with a brave header, after a sublime cross from Van der Meyde.
The match began to open up halfway through the second half in Everton’s favour, and Hahnemann's goal subjected to constant pressure: Johnson missed an opportunity to equalise on 70 minutes, after being put through by Cahill, when lifted his effort over Hahnemann but it bounced inches wide of the left post.
Van der Meyde was substituted for James Beattie just after Johnson’s miss, and he played well, perhaps deflecting some of the criticism that’s been thrown at him in the past; for example, such things as “he’s a lazy fat pie-eating bastard.” Everton’s approach, however, became ever cruder, with only Osman offering any real thought or tactical awareness in offence, with one nicely-placed shot curling just wide.
Reading, however, continued to forge sporadic and dangerous attacks, and threatened on the break through their two wingers, Hunt and Little, both are both dangerously quick. Fortunately Tim Howard, in the Everton goalmouth, was hardly ever tested though.
Then, with nine minutes remaining, Everton’s pressure told. Joey forayed forward and swung in a cross to the edge of the box, and Johnson climbed to meet Anichebe's flick-on managing to plant his effort beyond Hahnemann, who had rushed off his line too late. Queue euphoric scenes of Kenwright congratulating himself and “Sly”, his new best friend. Oh, and the fans went mental too.
Moyes squawked and gesticulated widely - while clambering all over the fourth official - to get Johnson and the boys to get on with it, but the relief around Goodison amongst the players and the fans was palpable. From then on, Everton bandied the ball around Reading’s box with aplomb, but once again, managed to do nothing with it; either the last pass or the final shot was missed or screwed up, despite some good build-up play.
Stallone pissed off five minutes early, presumably to beat the traffic nightmare that surrounds Goodison on match days, although he may have just ducked into the lounge to attack the nearest plate of free food. I am reliably informed that “he’s not aged well.”
The last effective kick of the game was a direct free-kick on the edge of Reading’s box; Carsley, left to his own devices, drove an excellent shot over the top of the wall and mere inches above Hahnemann’s crossbar. If it had gone in, it would surely have been a contender for goal of the season, but in truth, defeat would have been incredibly harsh on Reading.
All in all, the performance wasn’t really good enough against opposition who didn’t really offer any sort of serious challenge – that’s not a slight against Reading especially as they’ve battered some good teams in the league this year. It’s just that today they weren’t very good, and neither were Everton, particularly when you consider how this team has played against some of the better teams in the league. Part of the problem is surely that we miss Arteta too much when he’s absent; no-one else seems to be able to provide that spark of creativity that we need to open up defences. Possession generally today wasn’t a problem, except in the first half, when we were shite. But there’s no point in all the huffing and puffing, and all the nifty shifting of positions, unless you actually get something from it. I would’ve expected a more organized display and a much stronger response after Sunday’s capitulation to Blackburn.
The midfield were conspicuously absent today too, particularly in the first half: there’s no point in playing five in there unless you’re actually going to hold the ball there, and build offensive play forward from that point. McFadden was absolutely woeful on the left; in truth, he was utterly shite, and worse than useless. A disgrace. An embarrasment to all left wingers. In fact, I struggle to remember what he contributed. The “Scottish Wayne Rooney”? My arse…
Not that Van der Meyde was so much better, but at least he tried: he took a few defenders on and beat them. A couple of decent crosses too, although the fact that he was knackered when he was subbed remains a mystery to me – surely he should be match-fit by now? Osman produced some good touches, but is much too weak to play in the middle of the midfield against people like Sidwell and Harper, and too often was muscled off the ball.
Nace was mind-bendingly awful; lack of match practice, or more likely a case of not enough concentration, cannot be trotted out as excuses for him today. Utterly crap. As Sid pointed out, the defence would surely have been more solid if Neville had been moved to the left, and Davies filled in at right-back.
Finally, Moyesy’s substitutions; thank God that they worked. In Scally’s, we were mystified as to why the manager chose to take off the only player who had managed to put a decent cross into the box all day, but give credit where credit is due, it worked. Beattie has taken some stick lately for being shown up by Vic, and perhaps rightly so, but both came on and did pretty well. Well done Moyesy. Except for that nonsense in the goalmouth for the first goal; have some bloody sense la’, and don’t do it again.
The fact of the matter is, though, that we should never have been in that position in the first place. All the talk has been of Europe throughout the season, and given that we’ve been dumped out of both cup competitions, this is the only thing going for us now. Surely, with this in mind, you’d expect a better performance than was produced by a lacklustre team who looked like they were starstruck after meeting “Fatty” Stallone. We should be beating teams like Reading, or at least look more comfortable against them than we did on Sunday, especially if we’re supposed to be aiming for European competition next season. Please sort it out, boys, and right soon; we can’t keep dropping points like this.
As a footnote, it seems Sly has continued his work as an Unofficial Ambassador of Everton by wearing the Everton scarf in Paris. You gotta love him. | 