Well. We won. Barely. If we deserved it, then I’m… well I’m something that I’m not. It was awful. A truly horrendous display during which we did nothing inspiring, although neither did Wigan. Mind you, the weather was shocking, and the pitch looked like a cabbage patch, but let this not divert you from the simple truth that we were truly diabolical for most of the game. In fact, to give you an idea of how bad we actually were, check this out: by the 81st minute, Everton had hold of the ball for 29% of the game. Regardless of how they make this statistic up, even if it’s remotely close, it’s still staggering that we won. But we did. And at the end of the day, because we did win, I don’t really care about the manner in which it happened, although I will complain about it. Tough luck, ya pie-eating grocks.
What was even more frightening was that it was pretty close to our first team out: Stubbs lined up beside Joey, while Jo-Jo was shifted out to left-back again, with Nev filling in at right-back. Davies was recalled to the wing, with Arteta on the other side, while Cars, Leon, and Cahill filled in the centre of a five-man midfield, with AJ all on his lonesome up-front.
Like last weekend, Everton (playing in their bile-yellow third strip) controlled the early exchanges, but despite all the effort and possession, managed to create b*gger all, for the first 15 minutes, aside from a near-attempt by Leon, who – after a good turn – was dispossessed by a good tackle.
In fact, in spite of Everton’s possession for the first quarter, it was Wigan who looked more dangerous. Heskey tried and tried, and of course, fell over himself most of the time, still looked up for it, but McCulloch was lively; in the 19th minute, he held off Stubbs, after a subtle touch from Heskey (when the big donkey wasn’t on his ar*e), and set himself up for a shot that Howard plucked out of the air.
With Wigan coming back into the game, Everton chances were few and far between: Cahill was in all sorts of space 20 minutes in, after AJ pulled out onto the right wing and stretched the defence, only for his shot to resemble a simple back-pass to the keeper. Aside from that, there was little to entertain during a dire first half, except for Heskey’s usual amusing antics of backing into defenders and then falling over himself. Wigan certainly seemed to be more convincing in their offence however, which of course led to needless silliness on Everton’s behalf: Howard unconvincingly flapped at a cross, while Stubbs got a good talking to from ref Howard Webb after flattening Heskey. Joey was then cautioned for a foul on the same player, which in truth was entirely necessary as only Stubbs was beyond him, and as much of a donkey as Heskey truly is, he would surely fancy his chances in a straight-out sprint against Stubbsy; Arteta got away with hauling back Kilbane, then flung out an elbow at a Wigan player. Unquestionably, he must have realised he got away scot-free for some hefty offences, yet he persisted in getting in Webb’s face. I fail to see why players do this; unless you’re Wayne Rooney or Frank Lampard, or you’re playing for Man United or Chelsea, you don’t generally get away with it (see McFadden earlier in the season…).
The second half wasn’t much better than the first. No changes were brought in at half time, and we endured the same old rubbish that had been served up during the first half. Wigan were in from the start, and there was definitely more urgency about their play, but they were restricted to shots from outside the area, particularly given that the Everton defence didn’t close them down quick enough: Landzaat had enough time to collect a pass, look around, have a brew, have a quick smoke, and then still unleash a wayward shot into the stand. He missed, but that’s certainly not the point…
The drivel continued until the 55th minute. Cahill’s drive ricocheted off Baines for a corner, with which Yobo connected well, but headed wide from eight yards. A minute later, disaster, and an Evertonian’s worst nightmare unfolded before our very eyes. AJ was caught between Kirkland’s legs and Rhino’s ample frame, while chasing a ball between the two Wigan players. He was in obvious pain, and was strapped into that toboggan-like stretcher and carried off amid fears that he’d broken his leg (more news on that front on Monday evening, apparently); Kirkland, to his credit, looked pretty fraught.
The enforced change, bringing Anichebe on for AJ, sparked something in Everton. In the 65th minute, Vic collected a long ball and was going nowhere. Holding Rhino off, he waited for an Everton player to do something, and got nowhere; Rhino saw red (although not literally), and then saw a pointless challenge result in a penalty that Arteta, who had been largely anonymous until that point, nicely dispatched.
Paul Jewell hauled Fitz Hall off, shifted Boyce to centre-back, and brought Ryan Taylor on to fill the right-back berth. Wigan’s change gave them some joy down Everton’s left, especially when Cotterill came on for Valencia, but they failed to make anything of their significant possession, except for a cracking Skoko shot from 25 yards that had Howard beat, and cannoned off the crossbar.
In the 88th minute, Beattie came on for Cahill, who was again completely knackered, and his injection into the furore once again paid dividends. A beautifully crafted move involving Arteta, Beattie, and Nev was to prove decisive, and added perhaps an unfair sheen to the score-line: Arteta held off the Wigan defence well, passing the ball off to Beattie, who stood his ground, awaiting the oncoming Neville, who’s excellent low cross was diverted into the net by a sliding Arteta. One cross; one goal. The last few minutes of injury time were pretty fraught, with Wigan now in the ascendancy; that coupled with Everton’s farcical defending led to a rather tense finish.
All in all, we seriously were crap. Perhaps lumping balls up to some big lump like Anichebe or Beattie is the way forward for us; we certainly came back into the game following AJ’s enforced substitution. This 4-5-1 formation too, although it’s worked so well for us in the past, just doesn’t seem to be working now.
The midfield this week were again largely anonymous, and despite the sh*te state of the pitch, and the crappy weather, the game was crying out for someone like Van der Meyde to take the Wigan defenders on. I fail to see the point of having five midfield players if they can’t control the game from that area of the pitch, or at least defend, and apart from Cars, and sporadic defending from Davies, this simply wasn’t the case. Until the penalty, and despite some nifty swapping of sides with Davies, Arteta was anonymous. Osman too was non-existent; recently, he just always looks exhausted, and should have been replaced. Cars, of course, played his heart out; too often he goes without credit for his work on the pitch, and he gave a good account of himself on Sunday. The same goes for Davies (who, I understand, is currently talking to Fulham, now that we’ve managed to find someone who we may, or may not get in on loan); I thought he did quite well. He got stuck in, and unleashed a few fearsome shots. It might not be good enough for some, but at least he looks like he can be bothered; plus, we’re always told that our squad is small. Can someone tell me then, what is the point in getting rid of a solid utility player who can play in every position across the midfield, and as a full-back on either side, and getting a purely central midfield replacement in? Why should we be thinking about selling him when we’re so short on numbers anyway? Answers on a postcard please…
Most concerning is, of course, the injury to Andy Johnson. Whatever the prognosis, we’ll most likely be without him for some time. There is no other player, perhaps with the exception of Vaughan (yet Moyesy seems suspiciously apprehensive in playing him), who can offer what AJ offers, and certainly no other Everton striker worries opposition defenders as much.
I suspect that if the management want to keep our charge for European football next season on track, then Kenwright and Bully in particular will have to get off their ar*es and pull their fingers out. Actually earn their salaries, their current positions, and some respect. Get some money in, and then provide Moyes with sufficient funds to either get us some decent bodies in, through loans or purchase, to replace those injured and those apparently departing.
